DEO'S DIARY EP 18 - MY MOM’S SUGAR BOY THAT MAKES MY CLITORIS MOVES WITH HIS GORGEOUS LOOK.

Dear diary!

Nothing in life is perfect, not me or my family.

I have gay friends, I have a crazy family and yet to some people my family is not even a definition of crazy. But I believe our imperfection is what brings us together, with touch of pretence that makes us look better than other families.

I left the house, sure of no surprises, no reason to think too much, than to sit down with my sad mother, and try to make her happy with my wry jokes and talk about the issues in the family, little did I know of what was waiting for me.

Guess who I met at the hospital? 

I've almost forgotten his existence, and he was the last on my mind anyway.

Let me take your mind back to when I was still scratching the surface of the secrets in the family, let’s flip the pages back to ‘episode seven’, Remember the sexy player guy that tickles my fancy.

Oh yes!

It was him. Collins!

My mom's sugar boy that makes my clitoris moves with his gorgeous look.

Like I've not seen enough already, I met him at the hospital, sitting next to my mother, and they were both laughing like a happy couple.

Come to think of it, my mother is like ten years older than this dude, Good lord! But Collins is sexy, charming, lovely smile that exposes his well-constructed white teeth, and his bald head is a total turn on for me, smooth and shining like the back of a watermelon.

I see why my mum can’t let go, neither was I able to get over him, I was only caught-up with too many things, I almost gave him my virginity before I discovered the dirty affair going on between him and my mother.

Seeing them together triggered some anger within me, I don’t know if its jealousy or just annoyed, but whatever it is, I hate them together. How can they look perfectly together, while I'm dying of loneliness and looking for redemption for my parents, when they had their own good fun life when they were my age.

My emotions almost took over me, but like a good girl that I love to be, I kept my cool, hug my mom, and said hello to Collins without looking at him, I saw the big surprise on his face, I don’t know what it was about, my attitude towards him or because the fact that we are meeting again after a long time in the hospital.

My mom introduced him as her friend and I was introduced as her only daughter.

Yes! I was a bit bitchy because I didn't respond very well to his greetings, I rolled my eyes and started punching the keys on my phone, there was really nothing to do on my phone, but that was why candy crush was created, and it felt like I was crushing my candy big time, he was suppose to be my candy.

There was a long silence in the room, I totally make him feel uncomfortable, and he only word that broke the silence, was him telling my mom he’s leaving.

 A part of me was happy to hear him leaving, he stood up on his long legs, and I can’t take my eyes from his egg plant saying hello to me from his tight pants, he bent and pecked my mom's cheek goodbye, and she patted his back, telling him to come check on her soon, which he agreed to by nodding his head, he turned to me and chuckled, I gave a vacant stare at him and watched him turn his back, what a boyish charm, egoistic and charismatic, his lips are to die for and I wished for a goodbye kiss instead. It was painful to watch him leave, knowing the clumsiness between us.

Oh Collins! Back to spin my head 360 degrees and make my clitoris move like a snail trying to find his way.

My mom was not happy with my attitude and she asked ‘’why I acted that way towards her friend’’, I told her I don’t like him, and why is she with him?

She laughed and told me ‘’he is just a friend and when she is ready to cheat on my dad, ‘it won’t be with someone like Collins’. He’s just a boy I took interest in; I helped him get through his school since his mother died, and he sees me as a mother figure. So if you want to get jealous for your father, it’s not yet the time’’.

 The truth is I'm not jealous for my dad, or my mom, this time it’s for myself, can’t I just do something for myself?.

After all the bickering, we both got over the whole scenario and moved on to our mother and daughter moment, it was a happy one as we talked about almost everything, she told me about other patients and I told her about my imaginary suitor. 

I made-up a story on that just not to kill the fun we are having, I told her about Hakeem...the guy that works at the bank who won’t stop asking me out, and we went on a date few days ago which was a great one, she seems happy about the story and completely bought it.

The happy moment changed when I asked my mom if there is anything I can do to fix the whole situation between my dad and her...I know my mom to be a strong willed woman (more like a stubborn mega bitch, and I'm not going to apologise for describing her the exact way she is, a Bitch with the big B meaning Bad) and sometimes it makes me not to pity her, but seeing her vulnerability these days, showed me she is only a woman (not some transgender, no offence).

Tears rolled down her eyes and she was totally silent, with her lip tightly closed, looking sadder than faces that have seen described as sad. I almost regretted asking the question, but I really need to know.

I wiped her tears with my palms, it was an emotional moment, I have never felt like this or be in this kind of state with her, my eyes was filled with tears too, and it took all the strength in me to hold it back. My mom in her right mind won’t shed a tear or allow me to touch her face with my hands, (there are a thousand germs on your hands, so you can’t touch her face with it) but here we are, a crying mother and a consoling daughter. The emotional minute ended and I just want to tell her to suck it in because she is a strong woman, but before I could think of the right word to say to her, she snapped out of it.

She told me how much she loved, and still love my dad, I can feel the trueness and sincerity in her voice, ‘’her eyes lit when she mention love for my dad and it was like there was an invisible fan somewhere that is blowing her hair as she was talking, and I thought to myself my Diva Mama’’

She said ‘’she is not happy about her decision to divorce my dad, ‘but the truth is your father is suddenly a dog’ and he is not even good at being one, because ‘he shits every where I can see it, and I end up cleaning up the mess’, each time he cheats on me, it comes back with a drama’’.

She sighed, and continued...

‘’There was a woman who claimed to have HIV and has slept with your father without protection, although we both tested negative; but we are still waiting for the window period.

Like that was not enough, there was another woman that threatened to post naked pictures of your dad with her if we don’t pay her, I paid her with my own money because your father had put all his cash in some business that time and it was millions.

Now it’s another woman with sex video with your father, then a gay story, can you imagine my husband sleeping with another man?

What does he really want?

Deola tell me, what am I to do?, for the past five years all I do is clean your father’s mess, and yet he doesn't treat me like his wife, he claims to love me more than himself but all he does is to hurt and disrespect me.

As much as I want to be with him, I'm tired of being hurt. I can’t be living my life thinking what your father is doing, who is about to blackmail him, if he’s using protection or sleeping with the boy next door. If he can’t get a grip, then I can’t keep being the victim ’’.

I felt her pain and anger, and I really don’t understand what happened to my dad.

Why five years ago?

Truly five years ago everything was great except the fact that I was crushing on my father...not anymore though, so I'm not the only crazy one.

I was happy knowing that nothing sexual is going on between my mom and Collins, but I still want to be in total control of the situation, Collins might end up being my mom's boy-toy if I don’t start making sure he doesn't end up as that now, the thought of it is gross, but I will make sure it doesn't happen.

I need to talk to father as soon as possible and speak sense into him, he really needs to stop playing the victim now, except if there is more I'm yet to know on his own side.

I really had fun with my mom; we talked about a lot of things, so much for mother and daughter bonding. She wants me to start getting involved with her business; so once I finish my masters I can join her company as the young boss, I can’t wait. I know my future is bright, and I'm going to be controlling many things.

Later that day I got a message from Collins, asking if we could meet.

You think I said no?

Well I need to keep my frienemies close, and it was a Yes! 

We’re meeting next weekend, it seems like a date, and I could really use one now.

 It’s ok to be a bitch, said my mom some years ago.

DEO'S DIARY, EP17...MOM'S DIARY!

Dear diary,

 I know it’s been a while! A long while!

The truth is, so much has happened, and at the end of the day it boils down to penning it on you, even though I wish not to put it down or talk about it...with who anyway?.

So much for a family drama, and for the hatred of Satan, Bloody Hell!

I hated it, and I still hate it!

I feel depressed, defeated, crazy, and stupid like an annoying inquisitive bitch! Think of all the names to call me, and I will answer.

Picking from where I stopped, I'm certain, I don’t need to replay the past pages, we both know what has been happening....which was a lot.

‘Sometimes we tell some lies, believing we are saving the one we love, forgetting the hurt and that comes with it, when the truth comes out’.  Actually the cat is out of the bag, and it’s no fun for me knowing that my faultless father is a pathetic liar, he lied to my face many times without blinking, and lit-up his stunning devilish compelling smile and I just believed it...without a single doubt.

It was a bright Saturday morning, the sun came out pretty early; I looked through my window and saw different people from the neighbourhood jogging up and down, single, double, groupies. What caught my eye more, was a fat woman with timber looking legs, struggling with her stocky -self and that didn't stop her from wearing a short, and a blue tank-top, I can tell she was tired but she kept on with her run. I wonder what kept her going, someone of her size; usually give up quick.

She knew she has a problem and not ready to stop, no matter how long it takes her, I’m certain she will rather die exercising to get rid of her extra skin, than sit somewhere acting ‘I love me the way I am’.

It was an eye-opener for me. My family has a problem and I won’t stop until I solve it.

I don’t know how to pray, but I’m damn sure at this point, I need Jesus! So I whispered some words of prayer, and pronto!

My prayer was answered by my merciful creator, ‘’what a merciful God we serve!’’

The miracle was a call from my mom, asking me to come keep her company for the day. That’s not suppose to be a miracle, but since my mom was hospitalised she has never sounded so happy nor asked me to come and keep her company, I was sure it’s going to be a lovely day, with more unravelled secrets to bring the family back to normal or burn it totally to the ground... perfect!

She told me to check her closet for her nail polish box, and bring it along. That totally set my curiosity on fire, because the last time I painted my mom’s nails, we talked for hours, and every minute spent on each finger or toe, is for a new topic; and I imagined some of the topics of discussion like ‘‘I’m divorcing your father, HIV, yada yada’’!

Finding a nail-polish box in this (secret) house, was harder than Deo finding a boyfriend , I practically scattered my mom’s room and this box was yet to be found, {everything just have to be hidden in my family, including a nail polish!}.

But instead of finding this mystery nail-polish box, my eyes caught this shimmering blue-back covered book, I gave it a closer look, and it was a diary... my mom’s diary!

Immediately! My curiosity awakens! ‘’Like a desperate vampire standing next to a pulsating jugular vein of its prey’’. I flipped it open, and the first page headline reads...

“The sad Hawaii holiday, and was dated 27/06/2015’’

I jumped to the first paragraph, carefully reading through every line, I could feel the hurt as I picture the whole scenario in my head.

And in the diary she wrote...

‘’Dear diary,

It was suppose to be a fun, re-bonding holiday for my handsome husband and I, after a huge blackmail drama.

Every day, it seems like I don’t know who this man (my husband) is any more. He was a sweet liar, and now a rootless cheater!

I surfed the internet for where to get the best wine and some sex toys in Hawaii. My plan was to rekindle our love and investing in great spontaneous sex; this was a perfect thought, meant to be a surprise. I had sneaked out of the hotel early to get all this sex toys from the address I got, thanks to Google.

 And yes! The woman in me took over, I got to the first shop, then the second  and it turns out to be a shopping spree, by the time I satisfied my shopping desire, I had spent three hours, even though I was supposed to be gone for just thirty minutes.

Well, I got few interesting things, and thanks to Anna, ‘the American lady at the sex toy shop’, I learnt new sexual tricks, and I believe I got the best lingerie and long fur jacket, ‘according to Anna’s plan’.

She advised I wear the lingerie from her shop and covered it up with just the fur Jacket, wasn’t too comfortable for me (it felt like I was naked) but I've seen it on TV and at this moment, I’m on fire and ready to burn in love just as seen on screen. I was looking forward to some brash crazy sex.

With my vintage wine that cost me a lot of dollars, and my expensive hot pink lingerie, covered with the fur jacket a lot of Bears had to die for, I headed back to the hotel room ‘feeling like Julia Roberts in pretty woman’.

The plan was to have my husband open the door and I will push him hard to the bed. “while he is wondering what is going on, I will order him to get the wine opened and before he comes back, I’ll take off the fur jacket, and spray some whip cream on my belly button, and order him to come lick it off when he shows up”.

The smile on my face was definitely priceless, the elevator divided open, and I walked majestically to the room door, ready to unleash the sexiness in me as planned.

After few knocks, the door was opened, but it wasn't my husband, it was a Spanish room cleaner, I was angry, but I kept my cool, I asked for my husband and he told me my husband called for the room to be cleaned, he stepped out for him to do his work.

This was why I don’t like surprises, you end up shocking yourself.

Right in my disappointment, the unimaginable happened, the Spanish cleaner looked at me and mumbled ‘loca de su marido está en el cuarto con el modelo de la diversión, la piedad’ Meaning (your husband is in room 4 with the model having fun, pity!)

Not knowing I understand Espanola.

At first it was like a joke, but later it hit me, there was this tall back lady that was all over my husband at the beach the night we arrived, without being suspicious, I headed for the room 4, strongly believing it was pathetic of me to believe I will find him there.

Terrified and guilty, I knocked on room four, a husky voice that is definitely not my husband answered,

Who is there!?

I answered in a changed voice ‘room service’, (that has always been the response anyway).

The man mumbled in a language I don’t understand, and after few seconds a half-naked white man opened the door, he looked at me, and I stood there, confused and ashamed.

After few seconds he asked ‘what I wanted?’

I was about to say ‘sorry’, when I heard a soft feminine voice, sarcastically said in an ‘African accent‘ who is there honey, let her join us for the part, then I heard a laughter, that reminds me of my husband, I can’t miss that laugh, I forced my way in, and on the king-size bed, was my husband, naked, looking charming but was later ruined at my presence, with a black lady, she has a pretty smile, not very beautiful, but her cheek bone was perfect.

 They have been engaging in a lot of sexual activities. Half filled bottles of bourbon beside the bed, and three glasses all below half filled, lots of dead cigarette in the ashtray, what a lovely threesome.

I was gone for three hours in Hawaii on our second night, what will happen if I didn't come at all?.

We boarded the next flight to Nigeria and through-out our flight the only thing that was resounding in my head was ‘the sound of my husband’s laughter, it sounds so familiar, and yes! It was exactly like the first day we met’.

Was I over-reacting?

I don’t know how I forgave him, but I would love to believe that I did.

I’m not going to tell a soul, but writing it down, was a great relief to my soul, it was a big weight, and I will carry it for a very long time.

I am not planning to cheat on him, but I came back from Hawaii with a black dildo, it’s been secretly helping.’’

I have flipped through about five pages and I can’t move to the next one any more, now it all makes sense to me. My mom’s boy toy, the dildo, the secret house...everything!

Apparently, I'm not the only one with a diary, mom has one, God help me dad has one too, and I can’t wait to read!

That’s all she wrote, the other pages were blank.

Maybe she has another diary somewhere that will reveal more secrets. I searched everywhere but nothing was found. You only find them when you’re not looking!

Funny! The nail-polish box was on my mom’s desk, it was another miracle, I didn’t like what I found, but it helps me to know where to start the mending of this broken family.

My day continued with the journey to the hospital to see my mom.

It was a day to remember, a lot was heard!

My mission (to save my parents marriage) seem to be getting harder each day, I don't know about other secrets they are keeping, at least now I'm sure that dad is the big devil!

 This Episode is Dedicated to Sley, on your 1000th birthday Jan. 27.  You're such a wonderful Fan!!!

DEO'S DIARY, EP16.....CRAZY IS THE NEW NORMAL!

                          

I was trying to adjust to my new life, mom still silent on her sick bed, not ready to see or talk to dad, guess that's her new style of dealing with this shock. My dad on the other hand has been silent too and we've not been talking, though he fakes all is well with his normal routine; goes to work, attend meetings, among other things... That's the difference between men and women; men can mask there emotions and just act is totally fine, when his marriage of about twenty five years is about to shatter.

Mom's secret house seems to be an haven for me; peaceful and calm, no more secrets is unfolding and the only prayer I kept saying is for this two adults to get a grip, talk about it and move past it....I know that's not going to be as easy as said, but they are not even trying at all.

I was planning to go see the new movie 'The Perfect Guy' which I believe he doesn't exist anymore, especially since I knew my perfect dad to be flawed with sins, just like his fore-fathers. I really want to see what will make a perfect guy in this movie my friends have been hyping..."oh! Deo, you need to see the perfect guy, Morris Chestnut and Sanaa Lathan was great in it"

All dressed and ready to leave, but still contemplating on adding more powder to the one on my face...wish all this expensive Mac and Mary Kay product can cover the pain inside, then my phone rang.

Guess who?

It was the "the perfect man" (my father), he hasn't call me for a while now, and I wondered what could be going on. The first thing that came to my mind was my mom, I haven't spoken with her today and I hope all is well; could she be dead?

I picked up the call, we exchanged our normal pleasantries...from the way he sounds, I was certain mom is fine, I asked if he was fine. He sarcastically told me he doesn't even know what that means. He said would love me to come over to the house as soon as I can, and I should say hello to Annie for him.

I was surprised all along he thought I was with Annie, he still doesn't know about this secret house my mom kept with me.

Like any good daughter, I told him I will be with him shortly, and the line was off. That call totally changed my plans from going to see the movie, to going to see my dad, but I'm pretty sure what I will get from going to see him, will be better than going to the cinema.

From the state of the house, you can tell a lot is going on; the house look empty even when everything is still the way I left it, it has always been empty but this time it look emptily empty, sadness in the air, all the glow has totally vanished; even with the proper arrangement done by the house keepers.

When dad came out to meet me in the living room, I was shocked, he has lost a lot weight (not that he was fat before), even though he's still handsome, just a little bit out of shape but physically; dad look like a "perfect guy". 

Damn! why is he not a model? I wondered.

We smiled at each other, he drew me closer and held me so tight!

He smells so good, but I just want to be out of his grip, but after a few seconds, I became relaxed in his warm arms, I wrapped my hands round him, and held him tighter. Oh! it felt so good and that was needed. It was a moment of great relieve for my dad and I.

We let go of each other and I asked him how he was doing.... 

Maybe I shouldn't have asked that question, 'cos the answer I got wasn't nice at all.

"Your mom filed for a divorce"

It was as if I was hit with a bucket of slush, then slapped and kicked by a strong hand, I was cold inside, and frozen for a while.

I looked deep into his eyes, I saw pain  and the stains; it was like a white cloth sprayed with crimson. The whole drama flashed through my eyes and all I saw in front of me was a 

"broken black man"

 I pitied him and said to myself, "I need to be strong for this family". Both of them ( my parents) are seriously broken and I am going to mend it. 

I exhaled, regained my composure and asked him, when and how he got the information.

He said he got it yesterday, my mom's lawyer came to his office to give him the letter, and he doesn't understand why mom is being so dramatic about the situation.

Can you imagine such coming out from a man who had a sex tape with another woman, and is cheating on his wife with a man. Dad didn't just say that.

I asked him why he thinks mom shouldn't go for a divorce after all he has done. Because the last time I checked, he started this whole nonsense when he can't keep his manhood in his pant, and he was even making a video. what was he thinking? Kim Kardashian's brother!

Then a new story came out, and this totally got me and made me realized how uninformed I was with the whole situation. Diary! I had no idea.

Dad told me the problem didn't just start, they have been dealing with some big issues since last year when a someone emailed him some 'sex pictures' of dad and a woman, though it's an old picture but the images are very bad... from the video I saw few weeks ago; that put mom in an hospital,I can tell what those pictures will look like, what I don't know is if its the same woman in the video or it's another. 

I became totally dumbfounded when he told me the man demanded for a sum of five million naira or the pictures would be leaked to the public. My dad's body, that is meant for just my mom and maybe and I, will be leaked for every one to see.

"He smiled" and I was beginning to get pissed with his sudden smile and pause from the story, my zeal to know what happened after the whole threat was killing me, the thought of how he dealt with that a year ago that nobody knew about it.

He continued, saying he was unable to raise the money within the time given to him, he got scared and confused, and he had to confide in his wife ( my mother).

"Your mother took control of the whole situation", turned it from my nightmare to hers, that was the woman I got married to, always in control no matter what. She always come out bold, and strong, no time to cry or whine, she was a fixer!

But the woman I saw in the hospital few weeks ago, was not the  the woman I married, and now asking for a divorce, something must is wrong, because she was a woman of her words, she told me for better or worse, she will be holding my hand, but now she doesn't want to see me. 

Your mom took up the story, she started emailing the man by herself, and she told me not to send or respond to any message from him.

I really don't know what she told him, but she was able to bit the money down from five million naira to two million, and from her own money she paid for it. she saw all the pictures and asked for the original copies from the man, and she also told him to delete every copies she has and never to message me again. I was with her the day she spoke with him on phone, she told him if he ever shows up again in our lives, she will bury him.

She told me not to worry anymore, and she doesn't want to hear anything about it again, it was after everything we traveled to the Hawaii, and we had a lot of fun, that was the end of it, until six months ago.

I was trying to swallow all this and yet there's more that started six month ago.

I lost my breath for few seconds and till now I'm yet to wrap my head round the HIV news he told me someone sent to my mom about him six months ago. A woman claimed to be his mistress and she's HIV positive. 

He told me everything was easily solved when my mom took him to the clinic where they both got tested, which the result came out negative, until this lady emailed my mom again telling her she should not be quick to conclude, because she is certain my dad is in his window period; that's the period when the virus manifest itself in the body of an host, and can be detected. which may can take up to six months or less.

Till I figure how to deal with all I heard, I won't be able to say much at this point. So much questions to ask, so much answers and more secrets to be relieved.

I thought I was deep in my family secrets, but now I know I was only scratching the surface, mum and dad are very good at keeping secrets and dealing with some strong issues. So they need to deal with this now, and the more I try to help, the deeper it gets. 

I felt bad because all along I have been blaming my mom for many things, not knowing the blows and bullets she has been taking and dodging for the family. She is indeed a strong woman, if only I knew,I wouldn't dug where i didn't bury. I'm pretty sure if I didn't tell her about dad and Fola, she would be home putting things in order.

I saw the perfect guy the next day, which was a Sunday, it wasn't as I expected but it was great, if my family story is to air as a movie, I'm sure it will be way better.

Christmas is fast approaching, and all I want from Santa is for my family to be mended and things to go back to normal, but it seems "crazy is the new normal"

Don't you think?

I still want us to get past this, without a divorce or any public attention.

                                                               DEO'S DIARY

DEO'S DIARY EP15....THE BOY I USED TO KNOW.

It was really nice seeing Shope again, after so many seasons gone by. He has totally grown from that wishy-washy mama's boy I used to know back in university days, beards grooming is the new six packs, and he is not left out of this (sexy) madness either, can't stop staring at his screaming expensive brown vintage shoes or maybe it was his lovely legs, showing from the brown short he was wearing. He was too neat, so clean and proper, over arranged for me but God! he is good-looking.

I was totally stunned by all this changes in him, not just the physical, but the mental, he has really grown from that cute kid (who attempted suicide because of me), to a grown man, and it got me wondering what so much years can do to people, but some things will never change, he smiles at almost everything, since our eyes met he has been smiling, and that's an attribute he was well known for.

We both finally settle down with  a glass of juice each, after all sort of gestures and compliments, there was a quick silence in the air, something we used to assume that "an angel just passed" we looked at each other, that look to remind ourselves what that quick silence means and we smiled, to certify we both understood.

Where have you been?

I asked grimacing, a reminder of the last time we saw, and a question of what he wants. He chuckled and stared  at me as a response of him perfectly understanding me. 

Deola! you have not changed.

I raised my brows and shrugged pretending not to know what he is talking about, but deep inside I was happy he got the message. 

He started by telling me how much he was in love with me back then, and he thought the best option for him was to attempt suicide which failed, and his mother had to move with him to the United State. He schooled and he's working now, he told me how sorry he was for the whole drama between us and he would love us to leave the past in the past.

I will love to put the past in the past too, but diary, does the past always stay in the past, hell no! I'm a drama lady, and very inquisitive, so I will always visit the past so as to know the perfect need of the future and now

He continued, telling me he is on holiday and he came to Nigeria to see his boyfriend.

Boyfriend? 

The poppycock he has been talking about didn't really move me, but this new word "boyfriend" it was like I've never heard that word before, or maybe it's the first time I'm hearing such from a guy, and he mentioned it with so much pride and emotions. God! where did he get his confidence from?

He grinned and told me the main reason for this meeting is to apologize and catch up with me...oh! I hate suspense, not in the mood for the apology or catching up on a boring chit chat anymore, I just want him to get down to the nitty-gritty of this boyfriend talk, and the big question was right on my tongue that I didn't know when it came out.


Are you gay now?

I tried not to look weird or curious with the way I asked; I smiled and nodded in an amusing way, to make it all look normal to me, well, nothing about me has been normal lately. but cant dim my gleaming desperate eyes, my ears are so wide opened for his response.

I prefer the word QUEER, it's more classy and pleasant to the mouth and ear, right?...that was his response, with attitude.

I hated his gut, and I love it too, but at the back of my mind I kept wondering how did he switch from falling in love with me to being gay or queer, whatever.

To make him more comfortable with me, so I asked, are you 100 percent queer or Bisexual? 

He laughed loud, then I knew I'll get all my answers from him.

There is no 100 percent Deo, you're either Bi or Queer and I am Queer.

How do you switch to being gay? is it like a switch you turned on and off or what? I kept on with these questions before his loud laugh hushed me, he continued...

I've always known back in school, but I was still fighting myself from the feelings and attractions to same sex, and the only lady I was ever attracted to was you Deo, and that was the reason behind the whole dating pretense plan, with you I can be Straight, I thought along the game you will fall in love with me, but you're some stubborn being, instead you blew it all up with being you and I couldn't help myself, the only option was suicide, which I'll agree was totally immature.

Living in the US has taught me to accept myself, love myself and enjoy life, which is why I am here to make up with my best friends and spend good time with my boyfriend.

I really appreciate his honesty and openness, I accepted his apology and truly I miss him, he was a good friend and he still proof to be. Fuck it! I make a gay guy straight, do I still have that magic though?

We talked about the law on being gay in Nigeria and how hard it is for that kind of relationship here, I was able to flow very well, thanks to my research on dad and his secret boyfriend. It was fun talking about the whole thing, seems like I'm wrapped around gay people, I wished I could tell him my gay experience with Annie (that would have been a blow to him) but I decided to keep it for another day that may never come, that's something I am a Pro at doing now, keeping secrets.

I kept wondering who his boyfriend could be, maybe someone I know, I want to hangout with them so bad and see how they relate, even how they do the love making thing. Seeing heterosexual couples is so cliche, I want something new and interesting and bizarre as people may call it, hanging out with a queer couple would just be perfect, more like a toppings on my ice-cream.

Luckily for me, he asked if I would like to meet his boyfriend over the weekend, definitely! it was a big yes for me.

I was glad to see Shope, and looking forward to seeing his boyfriend too, a lot of things are changing this days.

Back in bed, doing my thing on my diary, I decided to download lady gaga 'born this way' song, I need to learn that song well, so when I meet with his boyfriend, he will know I'm totally gay friendly, or maybe I'm a lesbian in transition. Laughs!


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DEO'S DIARY EP14..HE WAS THE LAST ON MY MIND

He was the least person on my mind, considering the state my family drama is at the moment, I wasn't expecting to hear from any one close to Shope.

How he got my number, I don’t know, and truly I don't have the energy for his drama, because the last time I checked, Shope is a big trouble.

Diary must be lost now, this is a new taste of wine, and I will give you a bit-if-not-all to sip.

Shope was the reason why I am very hard on every men that cross my part, except my dad of course.

 It was all back in the university, when Deo was still young, smart and something close to naive. Shope was my best male friend and everyone in school called us twins. We were so close that they nicknamed us Deolashope  ( meaning Deola be thankful).

I placed Shope higher than anyone else in my life and I trust him so much with everything I had back then.I innocently dressed up in his presence, and he did the same in my presence, yes! he has a lovely teenager body, slim, tall, with a nice cucumber which I never care to bite. He was nineteen getting close to twenty then, and I was seventeen waiting to embrace my eighteenth year.

I don't know what deal came up between Shope and his friends, you know all this rich school boys sometimes can be weird.

 Shope asked me to pretend that we are dating for couple of weeks, sounds like some high school shit to me, more like ''love don't cost a thing'' movie, but in our case we are friends already. Many times, friends asked me if we were dating and I made it clear that we are just friends, but this sudden deception Shope asked me to start, seems interesting to me, I love having fun and this just seem good. 

 I agreed to Shope’s deal, and everything totally changed. 

We are on every notice board as the best couple, it wasn’t really easy keeping up with this new act, which is all lies;

 Wearing same clothes,

 walking hand-in-hand on campus,

 dancing together at every party we found ourselves 

 dining out together

we were spotted together all the time, and whenever I am lucky to have my privacy, and I showed up somewhere alone, the only song I heard is ''where is Shope"? "how is he"? ''why are you not together''? all this questions! all the time.

All this started wearing me out, it was fun at first though, but it got to a stage I can’t keep up with the whole shit anymore and I just want it to stop.

But for Shope it was more than a game, he was so into the all thing, and sometimes I don't even know what is true anymore, with or without people around, he is showing me so much love, which is so good to be fake or act.

 Guess what? I was asking for a breakup, and  we are not even dating, okay! we are dating but its fake. 

Shope didn't make the breakup any easy for me at all, he was begging me not to leave him, and I was like we are not together in the first place, maybe we are, as friends, but not that way. I only agreed to the whole thing because we are friends, and I wanted some attention too, which we both had.

I got tired of him crying and begging, sending me I'm sorry cards, flowers and chocolates, for what...?

calls from his friends and family, begging me not to break his heart, not to mention text messages every minute, I was suffocating.

I got totally exhausted and I just don’t want to breakup from the fake relationship, I want a break from his friendship too, it was like the whole school was begging me not to leave him and each time I tried to explain to them that it was fake, it made it worse.

Rumor started going around the school on how I took Shope's love for granted and called it fake because I have seen a rich Alhaji. To worsen the matter Shope kept playing the victim and I don't understand if that was part of the act or not, I bet I missed that part of the script.

I kept my distance from Shope for some days, ignored his calls and text messages, I felt so relieved and my life was crawling back to normal, until I got a call from my friend that Shope was found laying down in his room almost lifeless after he ingested some poison, no one could tell if he was dead or alive only that he has been rushed to the hospital. At first I thought it was a new game for him to get my attention, then I got a call from my mom too, telling me Shope's mom called her that Shope attempted suicide because of me, then I knew it was not a joke anymore.

 He was in comma for about a week, everyday was harder, I got so many insults from friends and class mates, my daily prayer was for him not to die because if he dies I will be tagged a witch. 

I was the talk of the whole school, people point at me, and call me names, even his parents involved mine and it was crazy, so bad that my friends stopped talking to me and everyone totally made me understand if he dies I am responsible for it. I don't know how I got through that semester but after the incidence, I totally hate boys, they stink, don't you think the same?

Luckily for me Shope got through it, but we heard his kidney was affected and might need a transplant. All attempt to reach him proved abortive, his mother doesn't want me near her son, even-though rumor has it that my name was the song he always sing on his sick bed.

People came to my door, telling me to donate my kidney, because i put him in that state. I care about Shope but the drama really injured our friendship and my perception about friendship. 

The last I heard about Shope was that he was moved out of the country for the kidney transplant.

 I didn’t hear from him ever since, the embarrassment in school was so much that I had to change my school and finished my studies in a private university.

I woke up with the thought of how to clean the mess dad has made when my phone rang this morning, I don’t have that contact on my phone, and it doesn't look familiar either, with the whole drama in my family this is not the best time to ignore an unknown number.

I picked up the call thinking it might be from the hospital, but it was a male voice asking if he could speak with Deo,

 yes, this is Deo and you are?

He screamed! Its me Deolashope

“Deolashope” immediately I remembered his soft voice, the only question I could ask was how did you get my number. 

He laughed and said he got it from  Annie, and he would like us to see.

I really don’t know what he wants to see me for, and I am scared. We agreed to see tomorrow afternoon and I know it's going to be a long talk between Shope and I. I need to go and see mom in the hospital and dad hasn’t return my call too.