DEO'S DIARY EP. 11 - ME, MY COUSIN AND HIS GIRLFRIEND

Someone saw them! Someone read them! And now someone has them!

Why am I still writing knowing fully well that someone somewhere now has VIP access to the page five of my dairy? I know writing is my own way of dealing with shock, surprises and any other blow life throws, but shouldn’t I be writing somewhere else?

Page five of my secrets is not safe anymore! And I wonder why Wale took episode five from my diary. It’s funny how the memory of that faithful night rushed to me like flood. This was supposed to be a hidden page, but since Wale has decided to rip it, I can as well spill it, rewrite and reveal it this time.

I was up in in my room, alone with my thoughts, sipping on a glass of wine. Okay now, I know I had too many to call it sipping or to even say a glass of wine. Bottles perhaps describe it better. The more I thought, the more I drank. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the life I've led, things I want but may never have, and the things I have, wishing I didn’t.

Mom and dad traveled to where? Was it Tanzania or Zimbabwe? And I was supposedly home alone. Thinking of it, I should have thrown a house party. I know I don’t have lots of friends but then a house full of strangers is a million and one times better than a house with just me in it.

Like I wrote I was supposedly partying alone; enjoying the company of me and my imaginations. I had Beyoncé to keep me company as I put her latest album hit - Drunk in love on replay. Lost in the moment, I decided to strip naked and get drunk on rum too. And just when everything in me started to party, you just had to spoil the moment didn’t you?

In my head I was on the beach surfing with Jay Z, as I was shouting surfboard with my two hands up in the air and my boobs jumping up and down to the moment, when I heard knocks on the door. At first I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me after so much bottles of wine. I lowered the music thinking who could be at the door by this time?

It was way pass midnight so who could be moving at this time. Jay Z? Excited I ran towards the door naked before it hit me that ‘girl why the f**k would Jay Z be at your door?’ On that note to self I grabbed the closest cover I could get and answered the door. And hell yeah, it just had to be you - Wale; standing there with that skinny bitch you call your girlfriend - Betty.

I wouldn’t lie that I was amazed that you could keep the bitch that long though. Kudos to you on that!

Before I could say Jack, he shoved me and entered the house telling me it was my dad that told him to come stay the night with me. Was I a kid or something? Even if he told you to come didn’t he give you time? Or your broke ass nigga watch is broken?

All that didn’t even matter at the time. I was virtually naked even with the cover I got - a table napkin and it only felt right to go get something proper to wear. But God knows where both asses were coming from and what had been drinking and smoking.

Without any regard to human nature and my privacy Betty gushed the wine left in the bottle, turned up the music and started pulling her clothes off as she screamed it’s a naked party baby! Wale joined in the madness and before I could scream awkward he snatched the napkin and nudged both Betty and myself to make a toast.

For starters, I didn’t know that both Wale and Betty looked cute naked. It wasn’t like he was big below and she was excessively endowed, I swallowed my saliva at the sight of her fresh big tits, everything just seemed to me in the right proportion and I could totally care less.

I rushed to the stellar to get us more wine. I grabbed as many as I could carry knowing that was a night we might all live to regret but we might as well enjoy it. I was over excited that we were cool despite the history between us. Who would have ever imagined us three dancing, shouting naked together? Reminded me of childhood, when we all bath together, innocently looking at our beneath, but now, nothing is innocent about the look I am getting from wale nor the one I am giving Betty’s tits.

We drank, danced, got wasted, did the unthinkable which to me is nothing to hide, I mean we only touched each other in funny places and didn’t take anything further. I watched Betty bent over while Wale plunged his dick into her vagina, I played with her tits, kissed her a bit, I love the look on Wale’s face when he was climaxing and Betty was screaming please don’t cum inside, Wale promised not to, but boys will always be boys, he came inside her, without condom, I shamefully walked to my room while they both cuddled on the sofa.

So why would you reap off those pages? Was it awkward reading them? Or didn’t you like the way I described your body or Betty’s? That was one hell of a night and surprisingly the best fun night of my life.

Let’s be matured about this, and act like it never happened, it’s not even like Wale is getting married to Betty.

Shit! I just got a call from mom like right now asking me to come to her house right away. She never calls my full name except something is up and she f**king just did. She said we need to talk. Talk about?


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DEO'S DIARY EPISODE10- DOWN-LOW

 I find my dad attractive, no doubt. But that doesn’t make him less of a father. He is so caring, so nice, so polished and so many other great attributes I would run you - diary out listing. I mean, he is the total package with a little extra.  He ranks me and mum first on his priority list all year round that he deserves the title ‘a man of all seasons’.

Do I wish mum was like him? Hell yeah I do! But someway somehow I’ve come to love her just the way she is. She may be mean, live untidy most of the time or even forget my birthday but she is also funny, friendly, easy going, overly available just when you don’t need her - if you know what I mean and always have my interest at heart.

So whether dad cheats on mum with a guy or a woman with a husky voice, or mum cheats on dad with another man or a black big dildo, and I spend my days lusting after dad, running after Collins, yet making out with Annie, in the end we are still a happy family. Although a little dysfunctional, and hard to believe the unraveled, but we all can learn to live with that I suppose.

I must say I was a little bothered about dad though. I stayed up all night researching what it is to be gay and bisexual. It was sad to discover that it is a crime on our side of the world and it was also intriguing to discover that Nigerians have found ways to live in the Garden of Eden while eating the forbidden fruit. I also discovered a new term “Down-low” it's a term that refers to men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have sex with men, which I think my dad belongs to this down-low circle.

For some unknown reasons I wanted to find Fola so bad and for some more unknown reasons I felt Annie could help me, being that she’s outgoing and all. The only lead I had in doing so was a supposed picture of him used as his display picture on WhatsApp and need I say he is the cutest guy that has ever been photographed!

With lips so pink and eyes so cute I couldn't blame dad for finding him irresistible. I'm totally turned off by his personal message, It reads “ it's all coming back to me soon” what's coming back to him or he's remixing Celine Dion song, I began to wonder, but all I could think of was his plan to take my dad from my mother, and I'm not going to let that happen, never! I thought of sending him a message through WhatsApp but I'm not a lousy lady and I know better.

After cooking up a good story, I called Annie and gave her reasons why I needed to find Fola. She accepted to help on the ground that I pay her in kind, and as desperate as I was I couldn’t resist. To my ultimate bewilderment, within minutes that I sent her the picture, she likewise sent it to a gay friend of hers who she said has the data of virtually all the gay men in Lagos on his palm, he fished Fola out of the books.

His profile read Fola Brown-Lilly, 25years of age, bisexual, very discrete and only hangs with older men. Grapevine also has it that he’s big below and both men and women can’t get enough of him. He lives with his mother on the island and has just finished his youth service. With the provided information Annie is very well convinced that there’s more to Fola that I’m definitely not telling her.

Me on the other hand, I’m beginning to see things very much differently. It seems to me Mom is aware of dad’s shit and has found her own ways to live with it and by ways I mean that big black thing and the sexy boy toy - Collins.

As for dad, maybe he just couldn’t help being himself, and when it gets to being the real you, the love from your family is sometimes not enough and he's controlling the situation with Fola or perhaps he is just totally caught up in the fun and somehow mom got to know. 

The thought of daddy leaving mom for Fola still wets my eyes and gives me the chills. I kind of understand we are all fucked up, but I’ll rather we remain fucked up together than separately. Isn't that really what family is about? It must be hard leaving a lie, and I see no reason why society should decide how to leave our one and only life.

The most surprising and unbelievable fact is, I can’t seem to get Fola out of my head!!! Flash images of his eyes and lips with drawn up imaginations of his body and big dick has taken over my mind. I even found myself getting wet at the very thought of him. It went a little over acceptable few minutes ago when I climaxed, while masturbating, with every part of me wanting, craving and desiring him like I have desired no one. Not even dad. Just like Collins would I need to fight dad for Fola too? Isn’t it strange that my parents and I are attracted to the same kind of people?

First things first, I need to clean myself up. But then again it’ll take more than scrubs and showers to wash me clean.

DEO’S DIARY EPISODE 9- COULD DAD BE BISEXUAL?

I feel sad. No! I feel too sad to call it sad. Perhaps I’m downhearted, downcast or depressed - that sounds more like it, but doesn’t quite nail it yet. I think the word to use is suicidal but then it’s just the feeling minus the whole suicide drama if that makes any sense. But then again I think I’m just plain tired. Tired of life, tired of home, tired of even been tired! I found myself with no appetite yet ate everything that came my way. I had fried yam and egg, white rice and fish stew, then cereal for breakfast. I had more rice for lunch but this time with vegetable stew, beans and plantain and the peperoni pizza I saw on the dining table and don’t even get me started on what I plan to eat for dinner or even what I’m binging on while I write. What's wrong with me today, how I got here, why I feel the way I do were the series of questions that kept racing through my mind. If you asked me, otherwise feeling uncertain, today was just like any other Friday with dad at work, mom at God knows and me here at home with nobody but me. The closest thing to human company was the TV blaring in the background. I got tired of walking around the house, half naked, searching for items that weren’t lost. So you see, there was really nothing to do but eat, eat and eat some more. I decided to go lighter by having oriental noodles which reminded me of the last time I felt the way I feel and although sited at the dining table my mind was way back in the past trying to recall facts from that faithful day. I staggered back to the present by the sudden vibration on the table. My phone was on my lap so I wondered whose that could be. Running through the items on the table, dad’s phone surfaced next to the fruit basket, still vibrating, notifying he has a call from Fola. Trying to decide on whether I pick or not, I made a mental checklist of both family and friends, inclusive of those I know that work with dad and found it intriguing that no name with F popped up. Fola for all I know could be the short name for Afolashade, Afolabi, Afolayan, and even those names didn’t ring a bell. So I concluded it’s best to respects daddy’s privacy by not picking up the call but I couldn’t put the Sherlock Holmes in me on lock down. I just had to find out for myself who Fola is. I couldn’t help but ponder on brain racking questions like; could Fola be the reason dad has been coming home late? Could dad be cheating on mom but most importantly cheating on me with Fola? Is Fola a distant relative, my cousin or even my own sibling or perhaps a business associate of dad’s???? Was I over reacting or being paranoid by wanting to know? I didn’t think so. I picked up dad’s phone hoping I could get a clue or two by looking through it, but surprisingly it was locked! Coded! Passworded! He could have as well thrown it down the sea or bury it underground. Why on earth would a grown man lock his phone? I honestly could not remember ever holding dad's phone since I clocked thirteen, but there it was in my hand, locked, away from me or any other prying eye.  For some, that would have been a clue to stop but for me. that is a clue to dig even deeper. I mean even Adam and Eve, better still Eve and Adam couldn’t resist the forbidden fruit so why should I? First things first, I needed to crack the code. I tried his birth year “1964” but that didn't work, I tried mom's birth year “1967” but that was also wrong. I went on to try my birth year “1990” and was disappointed still. With seven trials left before the phone wipes its own memory, a little voice in my head whispers ‘try Fola’ I would easily have disregarded the thought, but then what exactly do I have to lose? So I tried “Fola” which is “3652” I punched in each number, convinced that it was wrong but to my astonishment the phone unlocked! I am a fucking genius! James bond has nothing on me! Without hesitation, I clicked on the message icon, ran through both his inbox and outbox in minutes and there was nothing to or from Fola. Relentlessly I likewise browsed through his gallery scrutinizing every picture and video that there is and that came out clean too. With the help of the file manager icon I was able to go through the rest of the phone in an instant and there was no evidence of Fola aside her contact information and then a composed draft. Without thought I returned to the message icon, and inside the draft folder was this unsent message addressed to Fola but not only was it left unsent, it was uncompleted too. It read “I'm always thinking of you, just give sometime to” Sometime to what? To leave mom? To abandon me? To do what exactly? I went crazy for roughly a minute or two and couldn’t imagine it, couldn’t stand it, couldn’t entertain the thought of dad not only cheating on us but loving this woman enough to leave all this behind. I wish I had his second phone with me too. Perhaps that would have led me to something more concrete that all the random ideas I'm entertaining in my head. I decided it was best I copied Fola's number from his phone. It seemed like my only chance to get to the bottom of this. I pulled myself together, with my heart clamoring in my chest, as I dialed the copied number on my phone. While the phone rang in my ear, a state of chaos was unleashed when I heard my dad driving through the gate. I figured he must have come back for his other phone. I ended the call abruptly, picking a napkin to wipe the already locked phone and returning it back to where I found it before dashing into the kitchen to hide myself for no reason at all. There in the kitchen I overheard dad talking to God knows who, while heading to the dining area to pick his phone up. As much as I tried, straining my ears, all I could pick from the conversation was ‘I don't want you calling my other line, if you can't get me on this, wait till I call back… I will pick you up after work by 5pm’ Shortly after I heard his car zoom out of the gate my phone started ringing and it was no one but Fola returning my attempted call. I picked the call with no idea of what to say. I introduced myself as Flaky and requested I speak with Fola. To say I was only horrified is an understatement; I was destabilized when a deep husky voice from the other end of the phone replied ‘yes speaking’. I ran out of words instantly and no matter how I tried I couldn’t find the strength and courage to utter another word. Here I was thinking Fola was a she who apparently turned out to be a he and to think she is a woman with a male voice is definitely more horrifying! I am just so eternally confused. Just few weeks ago it was a dildo in mum’s bag, Collins in mum’s house, annie with unexplainable desires and now it’s dad with the husky voice. Is dad bisexual? Or perhaps is he gay? Is that why mum has a dildo? Am I a product of artificial insemination? How on earth do I answer these questions? How will I ever figure this out? Oh Dairy! I wish I didn’t dig this time. In fact I wish I didn’t dig at all. These discoveries are too much to handle but you must agree that I’ve come too far to stop now.

DEO'S DIARY-EP8...I KISSED A GIRL AND IT'S...

Oh Dairy! I’m numb! Speechless! And out of words to write. I don’t even know what to expect from life anymore.

You know quite alright that during the Collins phase I barely had time to spend with Annie. To be honest, the only time she crossed my mind was either when she left me numerous missed calls which I never returned and a thousand messages which I never replied.

We both know that the Collins phase went by faster than usual, even though I wish it didn’t. Not once am I willing to process the thought of Collins and mum together. Ewww! I just can’t stand him anymore. Without any explanation I stopped seeing him, stopped picking his calls and likewise didn’t reply a single one of his messages. I just couldn’t and never will until I have figured out what it is between him and mum. Jesus! He could be my brother or cousin for Christ sake!

After mourning over Collins I had to retrace my steps. You know how much I hate being alone. I just can’t stand it, so I had to go back to my vomit – Annie.

Annie as you know is a family friend. And apart from the relationship between her mom and mine, we grew up together, attended the same primary, secondary and university together and to top it all up we are doing our second degree at the same institution together! Only that this time around we are specializing in two different fields. So you see we have virtually lived our whole lives together. Our other friends call us twins from different mothers while teasing us that we would probably get married together and that hopefully we won’t have to marry the same man.

In light of this, I shouldn’t have treated her the way I did during the Collins phase though, knowing fully well that I had her and known her even before there was a Collins. I am just so glad that she didn’t take offence with that at all.

I called her up thinking maybe having some girls’ time together, talking about all the different types of guys there is in the world not to leave out sex and our celebrity crushes, was going to help ease the pain I felt inside. She being too lazy to join at the mall suggested that I come to her house.

For the first time in a thousand years, I met her in a compromising position. She was lying all faced up on her pink bed spread with nothing but a blue G-string pant on, looking like she has been denied the ability to live.

Her nakedness didn’t bother me at all but her mental state of mind got me a little concerned. I went ahead to ask if she was alright and she confirmed she was doing okay, just a little high on whatever it is she has been smoking. I took my position next to her while declining her offer to join in the smoke. I was eager to tell her all about Collins but all she did while I regaled her was stare at me. And when I took a pause to ask her if at all she was even listening she replied with ‘God damn it, you are so beautiful’

I laughed it off saying life is beautiful from the bottom of vodka bottles but she went on in all seriousness to say ‘and sexy too’ which appealed to me as awkward. That's the first time she would ever call me “sexy”. And she had to take was it five or six cups of cola diluted absolute vodka alongside a smoke for her to realize that.

She was definitely in ecstasy, but the one thing I love about Annie is her open mindedness. She can say anything at any time and to anyone. She’s overly ready to express herself to the fullest and as much as I would like to know what got her to this point - drinking and smoking I’m sure it is nothing compared to mine.

Carried away in thoughts, before I could say Jack, Annie moved closer to me, with her hard looking nipples standing sharp and on her round breast…(forget I’m a lady, she got a nice breast, too perfect to be natural, and I find it hard to take my eyes off the rose tattoo on her right breast), point directly at my chest, I thought they will perforate my chest or something, there is something about the way Annie was staring at my cleavage, I don't understand it, then she smiled and jokingly said babe your lips are dry, should I wet them?

My throat dried up immediately, and it was hard to secrete saliva to swallow, my lips separated in shock, she said it jokingly though, but she meant it.

I don't even know what I was thinking, I've seen girls kissed before, "on porn sites" but here is Annie, so close to me, almost naked, with her nipples screaming bite me hard, I snatched myself out of that numbness, and the only question I could ask was, “how?”

Immediately, she drew me close, her breast touching my half opened cleavage, her right hand holding the cigarette and her left on my ass, before I could say a word, her tongue went down my throat, I couldn't resist, then she stopped and smiled, puffed her cigarette again and threw the rest on the ashtray, then we were kissing again, in my head I was playing the video of those two ladies I watched kissing on a porn video…they were kissing and fondling each other boobs and the man watched, in our case, no camera is on, no man is watching.

I grabbed Annie's boobs, it feels like my teddy bear, so soft and smooth, almost like peanut butter, I squeezed it hard, and she muttered some words, she loved it and I squeezed it harder, her hands were all over my body and mine was totally concentrated on her breasts.

It all happened too fast and I want it to stop but it’s too heavenly, oh no! it feels so good that I want it to continue.

I wanted to be normal, but end up being a crazy animal, I started saying no, from inside of me, but my lips couldn't bring it out, Annie reached for my pant and I knew what she was trying to do, I shouted No, No Annie! No.

 I jumped out of her bed and redress myself, she was looking confused and disappointed on the bed, I ran out of her room, feeling immature, maybe I did the right thing or maybe I should have let it ride, but the thought of her knowing I’m a virgin was the reason I ran, and here I am again in my crazy house.

 I saw my dad on my way in, he seems to be going out, but, I don't care, I ran to the shower, singing “rock of ages, cleft for me”  it’s something I love doing, it makes me feel like I'm washing away my sins.... Now I'm cool, thinking of the whole scene, and it inspired me to write a piece.

She’s a wild beast

Living among the humans

Pretty but so unlucky

When it gets to men

Then I kissed a girl

And I feel like a woman

As she touch me slowly

Her lips are soft, they give tender kiss

Her breast so warm, with plenty milk

In the crazy ladies sexual scene

I just committed a sweet sin

Help me from myself, before I do it again

Lord wash my with your blood

I want to be whole again

The question is ... Is my best friend a lesbian or bisexual? Has she been attracted to me all along or I just came in at the wrong time? Am I a potential lesbian too, but I was attracted to my dad and Collins...?

 It’s crazy but kissing a girl (Annie) and. fondling her boobs, was so lovely, and her lips really taste apple cherry Chap Stick.