DEO'S DIARY-EP8...I KISSED A GIRL AND IT'S...

Oh Dairy! I’m numb! Speechless! And out of words to write. I don’t even know what to expect from life anymore.

You know quite alright that during the Collins phase I barely had time to spend with Annie. To be honest, the only time she crossed my mind was either when she left me numerous missed calls which I never returned and a thousand messages which I never replied.

We both know that the Collins phase went by faster than usual, even though I wish it didn’t. Not once am I willing to process the thought of Collins and mum together. Ewww! I just can’t stand him anymore. Without any explanation I stopped seeing him, stopped picking his calls and likewise didn’t reply a single one of his messages. I just couldn’t and never will until I have figured out what it is between him and mum. Jesus! He could be my brother or cousin for Christ sake!

After mourning over Collins I had to retrace my steps. You know how much I hate being alone. I just can’t stand it, so I had to go back to my vomit – Annie.

Annie as you know is a family friend. And apart from the relationship between her mom and mine, we grew up together, attended the same primary, secondary and university together and to top it all up we are doing our second degree at the same institution together! Only that this time around we are specializing in two different fields. So you see we have virtually lived our whole lives together. Our other friends call us twins from different mothers while teasing us that we would probably get married together and that hopefully we won’t have to marry the same man.

In light of this, I shouldn’t have treated her the way I did during the Collins phase though, knowing fully well that I had her and known her even before there was a Collins. I am just so glad that she didn’t take offence with that at all.

I called her up thinking maybe having some girls’ time together, talking about all the different types of guys there is in the world not to leave out sex and our celebrity crushes, was going to help ease the pain I felt inside. She being too lazy to join at the mall suggested that I come to her house.

For the first time in a thousand years, I met her in a compromising position. She was lying all faced up on her pink bed spread with nothing but a blue G-string pant on, looking like she has been denied the ability to live.

Her nakedness didn’t bother me at all but her mental state of mind got me a little concerned. I went ahead to ask if she was alright and she confirmed she was doing okay, just a little high on whatever it is she has been smoking. I took my position next to her while declining her offer to join in the smoke. I was eager to tell her all about Collins but all she did while I regaled her was stare at me. And when I took a pause to ask her if at all she was even listening she replied with ‘God damn it, you are so beautiful’

I laughed it off saying life is beautiful from the bottom of vodka bottles but she went on in all seriousness to say ‘and sexy too’ which appealed to me as awkward. That's the first time she would ever call me “sexy”. And she had to take was it five or six cups of cola diluted absolute vodka alongside a smoke for her to realize that.

She was definitely in ecstasy, but the one thing I love about Annie is her open mindedness. She can say anything at any time and to anyone. She’s overly ready to express herself to the fullest and as much as I would like to know what got her to this point - drinking and smoking I’m sure it is nothing compared to mine.

Carried away in thoughts, before I could say Jack, Annie moved closer to me, with her hard looking nipples standing sharp and on her round breast…(forget I’m a lady, she got a nice breast, too perfect to be natural, and I find it hard to take my eyes off the rose tattoo on her right breast), point directly at my chest, I thought they will perforate my chest or something, there is something about the way Annie was staring at my cleavage, I don't understand it, then she smiled and jokingly said babe your lips are dry, should I wet them?

My throat dried up immediately, and it was hard to secrete saliva to swallow, my lips separated in shock, she said it jokingly though, but she meant it.

I don't even know what I was thinking, I've seen girls kissed before, "on porn sites" but here is Annie, so close to me, almost naked, with her nipples screaming bite me hard, I snatched myself out of that numbness, and the only question I could ask was, “how?”

Immediately, she drew me close, her breast touching my half opened cleavage, her right hand holding the cigarette and her left on my ass, before I could say a word, her tongue went down my throat, I couldn't resist, then she stopped and smiled, puffed her cigarette again and threw the rest on the ashtray, then we were kissing again, in my head I was playing the video of those two ladies I watched kissing on a porn video…they were kissing and fondling each other boobs and the man watched, in our case, no camera is on, no man is watching.

I grabbed Annie's boobs, it feels like my teddy bear, so soft and smooth, almost like peanut butter, I squeezed it hard, and she muttered some words, she loved it and I squeezed it harder, her hands were all over my body and mine was totally concentrated on her breasts.

It all happened too fast and I want it to stop but it’s too heavenly, oh no! it feels so good that I want it to continue.

I wanted to be normal, but end up being a crazy animal, I started saying no, from inside of me, but my lips couldn't bring it out, Annie reached for my pant and I knew what she was trying to do, I shouted No, No Annie! No.

 I jumped out of her bed and redress myself, she was looking confused and disappointed on the bed, I ran out of her room, feeling immature, maybe I did the right thing or maybe I should have let it ride, but the thought of her knowing I’m a virgin was the reason I ran, and here I am again in my crazy house.

 I saw my dad on my way in, he seems to be going out, but, I don't care, I ran to the shower, singing “rock of ages, cleft for me”  it’s something I love doing, it makes me feel like I'm washing away my sins.... Now I'm cool, thinking of the whole scene, and it inspired me to write a piece.

She’s a wild beast

Living among the humans

Pretty but so unlucky

When it gets to men

Then I kissed a girl

And I feel like a woman

As she touch me slowly

Her lips are soft, they give tender kiss

Her breast so warm, with plenty milk

In the crazy ladies sexual scene

I just committed a sweet sin

Help me from myself, before I do it again

Lord wash my with your blood

I want to be whole again

The question is ... Is my best friend a lesbian or bisexual? Has she been attracted to me all along or I just came in at the wrong time? Am I a potential lesbian too, but I was attracted to my dad and Collins...?

 It’s crazy but kissing a girl (Annie) and. fondling her boobs, was so lovely, and her lips really taste apple cherry Chap Stick.